Last week was the 4 year anniversary of my Daddy passing. I am an only child, born on my Daddy’s birthday, and the epitome of a “Daddy’s Girl”.
My Daddy, Charles Huguely was a “man’s man”, who could fix ANYTHING.
Eight years before he passed, my Dad had a major heart attack and subsequent stroke. For six months he was hospitalized and was no longer able to walk. A very active man whose ideal Saturday was spending hours maintaining his car and maintaining his manicured lawn, was now in a wheelchair. He couldn’t even change a light bulb.
Physically, everything had changed, but mentally he was just as strong as ever. For the last eight years of my Daddy’s life, he could not accept his “new norm”. He couldn’t accept that he was in a wheelchair. He was depressed, short-tempered, and struggled with enjoying the amazing life he was still living.
During those eight years, I was married and had his first grandchild. It depressed him even more that he couldn’t play with her like he did with me.
How many of us are hindering our current joy because we haven’t accepted our new norm? How many of us are unconsciously making decisions and choices that are not aligned with the truth of our lives today?
Not accepting our new norm is causing many of us to be stressed, unhappy, and unfulfilled.
By accepting our new norm, we eliminate stress.This allows us to forget those things which are behind us and embrace our current reality.
Below are a few questions that have helped me to accept my new norm.
1. What have I accomplished that I no longer have to pursue?
2. What do I need to stop doing, forget and move on?
3. What are the accomplishments that I need to acknowledge and begin enjoying?
4. What am I frustrated about that is no longer my truth?
5. What am I holding on to that is no longer my reality?
6. What am I still doing that is no longer serving me?
7. Who am I angry with that I need to forgive?
8. What changes do I need to make based on my current reality?
My dear friend, Lashon Allen-Spearman agreed to share her journey of eliminating stress by accepting her new norm…..
Elizabeth Edwards state’s that, “Resilience is accepting your new reality, even if it’s less good than the one you had before. You can fight it, you can do nothing but scream about what you’ve lost, or you can accept that and try to put together something that’s good.”
Less than four months ago, I was feeling overwhelmed. Questioning myself at ever corner; Am I a good wife and mother, do I service my clients in a spirit of excellence, am I being the best student I can??? These questions were probably not important, but the answers meant the world.
In a brief conversation with Sheri Riley after unloading all of this on her, in a very peaceful voice she asked a question that changed my perspective on everything. She simply asked, “Are you trying to live an old norm in a new norm?” Of course the question initially went straight over my head. She allowed me a few minutes to think about the question and repeated it again. Are you trying to live an old norm in a new norm?
Trying to carefully think of a good answer, I realized I had no answer because I wasn’t sure what my new norm was. After about 5 minutes or so she described my old norm and defined my new norm. Who would have thought that all the stress and pressure I had been feeling for the past couple of years could have been cleared up in less than 5 minutes; with one simple question?
My old norm was; I was a single young business owner with no kids, no husband, and not a full-time student. I was able to produce more work because I had no other responsibilities but my clients and getting the job done.
My new norm was; I am a wife, mother, business owner and a full-time student. My priorities and responsibilities have changed but my mind didn’t. I was still trying to be who I was 5 years ago, but that was no longer my life.
What I came to realize after this 5 minute conversation is that I never accepted my new norm. So when I was able to accept my new norm; my perspective on my situation changed. Allowing me to focus on who I was today verses who I used to be; and in the midst my life changed. I now know better than ever my priorities and limitation and I don’t feel bad saying “NO”.
Because I am now living in my new norm!
Lashon Allen-Spearman shared her story about how she eliminated stress by “accepting her new norm”. Please leave me a comment below, as I would love to hear from you and how you will accept your new norm.